I have been struggling with balancing the best financial choice and the best life choice for a while now.

Clearly, for the duration of the pandemic, the best financial choice is to stay home with my dad. I’ve just gotten my monthly income back to a semi-reliable level to pay bills since my job at the university ended in June, but it’s all freelance work, so will the income stay that high?

Who can say?

At the same time, moving back home makes me feel like a 12 year old.

Being here has been a regular part of the plan over the years while I’ve toured and it took me a while to figure out why this time feels so different.

I realized that the only other time I walked in the door to stay here and didn’t know when I was leaving was when I quit my job on the cruise line in 2012. And even then, I had a new job and was back on tour in two months.

Four months is the longest I’ve ever been home since I was 18, and that was in 2015, when I knew I had the whole summer off between two children’s theater tours and I wound up working part time on the weekends in NYC.

As I’m finishing up month seven here with no clear end in sight, my mental health is not super on par.

Though whose is really these days?

I feel like a captive in a tiny prison cell that is my childhood bedroom. And the endless stream of incredibly loud Fox News that permeates the house 24/7 when my dad is home is sort of crushing my soul.

Sometimes the dog lays on my bed and I’m pretty sure he’s judging me as he stares.

I don’t know if any other adults who have moved back home during the pandemic also feel this way because every account I’ve found during some late night Googling seems like they are largely enjoying it.

I had been working on a plan to go live in Costa Rica for a few months, but the new requirement to have a COVID test within 72 hours prior to returning to the U.S. threw a wrench in that plan. I could not find A 100% reliable way to do that that wouldn’t cost a fortune.

My Costa Rica plan was based on their lower COVID rates, better hospital system, low cost apartments to rent, seeming ability to social distance easily, and the fact that the virus seems to spread slower in warm weather. I also have an American coworker living in Mexico who was telling me that life is much better there.

Anyway, it’s a very weird feeling of not knowing what to do. I feel a layer of guilt at the idea of moving out without a clear purpose in doing so that I can’t shake. I’m not even sure if that guilt makes any sense.

Has anyone else felt like that? Or feel confused and conflicted about how to end their pandemic panic move back home plan?

 

Also totally unrelated to my waves of pandemic related mental breakdowns, I got to chat with Kent at Half Hour Call on YouTube about budgeting for stage managers and it was a blast. His videos are all incredible and while I desperately need to get more comfortable with being recorded, he is a natural. Check it out: