The Non-Committal Millennial & Their Finances | brokeGIRLrich
I was visiting two old ship friends last week when one of them asked if I’d ever noticed how noncommittal our generation is, and actually, I had. We were planning to do something and she had sent a friend a text to join us saying: “We’re thinking about doing whatever this afternoon.”
While the conversation had started as a mini-griping session about how people never really commit to doing anything anymore – most of our answers to invites are “maybe” or “we’ll see” or even a “probably” – we realized that even when we’re phrasing the invites to these events, we don’t state what we’re going to do.
We were thinking about going swimming that day.
Even though we knew, we were going swimming.
So really, that message should have said: We’re going swimming, do you want to come?
Along the same lines, a week earlier I was in a bind for a last minute fill in sound tech at work and texted a friend, asking if he could cover. After some back and forth, he ended with “I could do that.” I actually though my brain exploded a little, because in that under stress moment, I wanted clear answers and wrote back “you could do that? As in you will? As in I can expect that you will be at this theater by 6:45 PM today to run sound for my show.”
To which I got the reply: “Yes.”
There are plenty of posts about how millennials won’t (or can’t) commit to homeownership or even each other.
I love samplers AND buffets because I don’t have to actually decide what I want. True story.
Why do millennials have so much trouble with committal statements?
And what is this doing to us?
I love the heck out of my parents, but I have to say the most awesome generation I can recall is my grandparents and they didn’t put up with any of that wishy-washy sh*t. They were statement makers and then they stood by their word. Perhaps we’ve watched so many people break their word that we think it’s easier to never commit to anything – thus finding a loophole so we can never fail.
Except we also never succeed at much that way either.
Personal finance is full of commitments. A budget isn’t a kind of maybe thing you might do. If you want it to succeed, it’s a concrete statement that you follow. And sometimes you fail, but you just pick yourself up and do better next month.
Even if you don’t have a traditional budget, knowing your income vs what you spend each month are concrete numbers that you commit to if you’re going to live below your means (which is the not-so secret to personal finance success).
I think this non-committal approach to life is at the root of a lot of our discipline issues and heaven knows it takes discipline to keep your finances in order. I love hitting the mall and buying new stuff as much as the next person, but I know that saying a firm “no” to myself gets me a lot further in life than a “maybe I’ll just go look, it’s not like I have to buy anything.”
I’m also not saying I’m totally blame free in this non-committal game – I’m as guilty as the next millennial of noncommittal statements and actions, but I’m hoping that by being aware of them, I can reduce them.
I’m crazy non-commital and I know it, haha – but I DO commit to my budget 🙂
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Totally, Mel. I have a hard time committing to some activities too far in advance. I mean, what if something better comes up? Or what if I decide hanging out at home with my cat is the more attractive option? 🙂
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Haha, hanging out at home is almost always the more attractive option.
I feel you though! But it’s such a pain to try to make plans that way. I think it’s really having a negative effect on our relationships with one another.
I completely agree that millennials can be very non-committal, but I think that is partially because we don’t have to be. With the “sharing economy” and the “gig economy” there is much less of a need to make hard and fast choices. It will certainly be interesting to see how this plays out in the long run, since at a certain point (maybe when kids become involved) you do have to commit to something!
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I am all for our sharing and gig economy, but I do wonder what it’s doing to us as people. I mean, it’s one thing to not make financial commitments, but the idea of like “giving your word” nowadays – I would probably just laugh if someone tried to do that to me, but there was a time when that was a valid commitment.
This is so true, and I wonder if it also has something to do with our peers? After so many people saying “maybe” or planning things last minute, I have to admit I get in the habit of changing my mind now all the time. It’s really frustrating to people that do have their sh*t together, like you said, but the majority of my friends are like that. Why plan if I literally can’t plan anything until the day before?
Maybe I need new friends? Haha 🙂
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I’m living that right now. I’m going on a trip to Niagara Falls next week with my best friends that I’m literally booking the stuff for it today because we couldn’t get our sh*t together regarding this trip. Ugh.
In general, people are unbelievably bad at knowing what will make them happy which has in our generation played itself out as an inability to commit to even small decisions. This human trait played itself out differently in other generations, so I’m not too worried about the particular moral fiber of millenials (as compared with other generations). However, it’s silly to be so non-commital because one of the things we know makes us unhappy is indecision. The route that I’ve taken is to commit my values and committing to a strategy to achieve my goals until its clear that the pursuit of the goals is not a good life choice. I always leave room for changing my goals if the goals turn out to be stupid.
I don’t know if this is a particularly old school way of thinking, but I think its better than committing to nothing at all.
I 100% agree with you! (see, I’m willing to commit to that statement ;o)
I recently wrote about my commitment issues (because I know I have them – both short and long term) and I agree with you 100%. A few months ago a few friends and I were discussing planning a girls trip because we haven’t seen each other in about four years. Long story short, we all started off with a definite “I am going!” and then a few weeks passed and they changed to “I have to see” and then finally came the, “I wasn’t realistic about my funds and can’t go”. I am so glad they said that because 2 weeks after we said yes, I started to regret it, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them I didn’t want to spend that much money.
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Yeah, I’m really bad about flaking on trips because of my career and how things up and change last minute all the time.
I never really noticed this, but now that you mention it, I see this kind of language and conversation everywhere! It’s frustrating and not an efficient way of doing business, like in your sound tech example! I know I do it too, so I’m going to try and do something about that!
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I know, it’s endlessly confusing. And don’t even get me started on interactions with the opposite sex! I mean, are we going on a date? Can we just call it that? It’s not a flipping marriage proposal for pete’s sake.
It’s funny because now that I’m way more committed to my finances, I’m way less committed to anything social. It’s not like I say yes then change my mind last minute, but I definitely do not rush into saying yes without giving things a lot of thought. And that’s what I usually say, “I’ll give it some thought.”
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I think that’s always a valid approach – and if someone has a deadline that needs to be met, just state it and if the decisions not clear by then, the answer is no.
I’d look at it a different way. Millennials, more than any generation since The Great Depression, know how quickly things can go sideways. They went to school, racked up debt, and then bottom fell out of the job market. They committed to a life path, and that path was bulldozed in front of their eyes.
I think that the lack of committal is kind of a hesitance to repeat that situation, even on a small scale. Logically, it makes no sense, but psychologically…
So by saying “we’re thinking about going swimming” they’re really just acknowledging (even subconsciously) that things change. You may completely plan on going to the pool, but maybe the weather guy was wrong and it’ll start raining. Maybe you’ll have a flat. I think millennials have learned that making hard and fast plans is dangerous, and so they extend it to all aspects of life.
Or maybe it really is just a case of changing vernacular. But I like my theory better.
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You can certainly like your theory better! And I’m not saying your theory on why it occurs might not hit the nail on the head – I’m just saying it doesn’t make it ok.
Ah goodness…yes, this is completely relatable! There could be a myriad of factors that contribute to non-commitment for our generation, that’s for sure! For me, I feel a lot of contributes to the advancement of technology & bombardment of notifications, emails, “likes,” advertisements, you name it. I think about my elementary to middle school days where a pay phone was mainly used to call my parents from the park. Commitment happened when someone came to your door and said “Want to go to the park?” and right then & there in real time you made the decision “Yes!” as you’re sprinting out the door, or “No.” and politely closed the door shut. Oh, nostalgia! I think it’s incredibly great that you recognize this non-commitment aspect, because it will help navigate choices in life whether it be finances, friendships, etc. I’m going to continue working on my assurance & vocabulary after reading this today. 🙂
Wow, my son’s turning 30 soon and he LITERALLY says “maybe, but no commitments”, like ALL THE TIME! It is SO annoying. I’m glad to see it’s a “thing” and not just him!
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