I think the quickest way to lose your financial savvy swagger is to a sign a lease.

Signing a lease always makes me feel so trapped.

And the expenses! They just keep cropping up – surprise, this was a lie, surprise, you can only use this particular company here, surprise, surprise, surprise $$$$$$$$

This is inevitable amplified when you do everything last minute.

So I temporarily let go of my home ownership dreams.

I went down to look at apartments near my new job today. And to make things worse, I swung by that crazy HUD house I wanted so badly – the one that keeps going off the market and then back on and is surely a death trap – and I love it even more in all it’s sketchy why-is-there-a-well-just-like-the-Ring glory.

So I decided to go with the slightly more expensive apartment that I could sign just a six month lease on in the hopes that I can sort out how to by my dream death trap over the next few weeks.

But, of course, when they showed me the apartment, it was at $1095 a month (still a lot for the flipping Pine Barrens) and when we sat down to sign the lease – oh, surprise, that’s for a 15 month lease (also, 15 months, what even is that? Is that standard now? I haven’t paid rent in a long time). It’s $1265 for six months.

Sigh.

But also, I start the new job in 4 days, sooooooo… $1265 it is.

And then there’s also a water charge, not included.

And a seriously complicated way to do acceptable renter’s insurance, so complicated that I think I’m going to have to cancel the fairly affordable one I got through my auto insurance company and go with their $20 a month version.

And a random $100 certificate of occupancy fee.

AND WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF WITH THE 8,000 LITTLE FEES.

A little fee with the electric company since I didn’t already have an account with them.

You have to pay the full year of renter’s insurance up front.

Am I going to rent or buy a modem and router?

There is only one company I can get Internet from at the apartment complex.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

On the plus side, it was nice to be overwhelmed by specific problems today rather than the existential terror of flipping my whole life upside down to move into a regular career.

Funny story though, I stopped by where I will be working, ran into the dean of the school that hired me and had a small nervous breakdown in her office in which I apologized profusely and told her I just don’t handle change and feeling trapped well and it’s 100% me, not the job, and I am excited about the job.

So. There was that classy moment. I’m sure she thinks she hired a flaky lunatic now.

….to be fair, she may have.

But, back to the apartment hunting.

I actually looked a few slightly cheaper ones that I would’ve had to sign a full year lease on and I wound up going with this slightly nicer one. I mean, it’s still small, but it’s definitely nicer than the first ones.

Frugal twenty something Mel shuddered a bit when I picked it. And at home much I liked that it was just nicer.

…but to be fair, frugal twenty something Mel is full on driving this home purchasing plan here with the death trap house.

So anyway, so much for cocky, life is going awesome Mel, I nearly just have money to burn Mel.

I had really wanted to go visit a friend in Brazil during spring break here – and I think I can still swing it – but as I signed the lease, I definitely thought that maybe some of the random traveling, do whatever I want with moneyness definitely can’t happen with this new job. I guess I’m going to relearn budgeting again. It was a nice break for a few years.

But I am still kind of excited about it and I think I’ll be a lot calmer once it actually starts and life starts to find some kind of groove – instead of this stressful waiting pattern I’m currently circling in.