I was struggling a bit to come up with a post for today, and it got me thinking: what have I actually been thinking about lately? And the answer, in true “me” fashion, is… money. So this is your semi-chaotic, mildly personal, financial state-of-the-union-on-money post.

Lately, I’ve had a decent run of income, which is great, but I’m acutely aware that summer tends to be slower. Add to that a brutal dollar-to-pound conversion rate and the looming reality of paying my rent from savings for a few months, and yeah… I’m a bit stressed.

To make it spicier, I was conditionally hired for a super part-time gig (we’re talking 10 hours a month), and they want full access to my bank accounts for a background check. For a job that pays just above minimum wage. It feels wildly intrusive. And also… why?

Meanwhile, I’ve been wrestling with some broader, almost existential money thoughts.

Sometimes, holidays abroad feel a little sad. And then I start spiraling — am I just a guilty consumerist? (To be fair, a lot of that sadness stems from being far from family, not from the trappings of the holiday.) But it does make me question: is gift-giving a love language, or are Americans just… a little unhinged?

What am I going to do when I graduate? No, really — what am I going to do?

There’s the looming question of retirement, complicated by the fact that my future is sort of split between two countries if it continues on its current path. I’ve heard horror stories from Americans who gained UK citizenship and got slammed with taxes on the growth of their American retirement accounts — accounts they can’t even access yet. What went wrong there?

And did I mention income disparity? UK salaries for comparable jobs are significantly lower than in the U.S. I’m trying to reset my expectations, but I know I’m going to be disappointed. My dream job would involve global events for a U.S.-based company that doesn’t care where I live and is happy to fly me out from the UK. Does such a unicorn exist?

Or, better yet, a consulting gig in risk management and audience care for massive immersive experiences — think Disney, Universal, AREA15-level projects. Who’s insuring these? Lloyd’s of London? Someone out there must need my expertise.

I’m also grappling with the financial imbalance between my partner and me. It’s likely that I’ll be the one paying for all the visa stuff if we stay in the UK. But if we moved to the U.S., would I expect the same of him? For some reason, it feels unfair. I’m a proactive planner (read: anxious worrier) and he’s super chill, which makes me wish he’d be more engaged in figuring out the steps for a potential U.S. move. And yes –  I know this is a conversation I should have more directly with him. It just spilled out of my fingers while writing this.

Also, why are mattress toppers so expensive? Our mattress was nearly £1,000 and still isn’t comfortable. Will I ever actually spend the £150 to fix it? Or, more likely, mention it out loud and split the cost?

Funny enough, I’ve spent over a decade creating a side stream of income by talking about money openly… and yet I get cagey when discussing it with the person who already knows nearly everything about me. Why?

On a lighter note, I feel like I’ve lost my edge in the credit card rewards game. I’ve had a United Mileage card for years,  the $99 annual fee is worth it for the checked bag alone, but I’ve been paying too much for vacations lately. I want to sharpen that skill again, especially with those upcoming visa fees in February.

A random, oddly satisfying gratitude moment: the University of Greenwich has the ugliest PhD robes I’ve ever seen. Like, aggressively bad. Which means I feel zero temptation to buy them. If I ever need regalia, I’ll just go for plain black and avoid looking like a deranged D&D bard.

Some investments are worth it though. My boyfriend and I, along with two friends, just wrapped up a year-and-a-half-long Gloomhaven campaign. I didn’t even buy the game – just spent around £60 on storage boxes and organizational tools. (Because of course I’m in charge of organization.) Now we’re moving on to Frosthaven, courtesy of our friends, and I’ve already got a 3D-printed initiative tracker that I’m going to light up like a nerdy Christmas tree. It’s the little joys.

As for the summer, the overall doctorate plan had landed somewhere between Plan C and Plan D financially, meaning I’ve dipped more into savings than I hoped. But this might be my last truly free-ish summer for a while, and I’m trying to resist the temptation to do all the things. The Egypt trip is locked in, more or less — but the two weeks with my best friend are going to be a splurge. And honestly? That’s fine. I’ll sort it all out after graduation. I’m still far from destitute.

And yes — despite all the money anxiety — I’m really excited about a long weekend getaway. No firm plans yet, but there will be sand, cocktails, and (hopefully) an all-inclusive resort. We’re waiting to book until I get my doctoral defense date, so we know when to celebrate. Or hide. TBD.

Very niche money-related thought: so much of care work is tied to time, and time is deeply linked to money. This matters to my research, but also… life.

I’m still bitter about how expensive trains are in England. National Rail, TfL, zone pricing, peak/off-peak — it’s a mess. Thank god for Citymapper or I’d just give up and never leave the house.

Oh, and speaking of transportation: my driving test is in three weeks, and I’m nervous. I hate British roundabouts with a passion. Safe enough? Sure. Test-worthy? TBD. I’m taking the test in a city I’ve never even visited because the wait times elsewhere are absurd.

If I pass, the next question is: what car? I’m leaning toward a Toyota because Mona the Matrix (RIP) has been an absolute trooper for 18 years. Good resale value when we (maybe) move back to the U.S. in four years. But do I even want to buy a car? I could pay for it outright, but then there’s insurance. Always insurance.

So yeah… I guess I do still have a lot of money thoughts. Maybe I’ll dig deeper into a few of these in future posts. Thanks for hanging in there, readers.

What money thoughts are on your mind these days?