I make a lot of “risky” life choices.

I have generally thumbed my nose at the man for the vast majority of my life.

A lot of privilege has let me do that, but let me tell you 2020 has been the year where I’ve been like, “oh… I see” in regards to the way the man will mess you up if you don’t get in line with what’s “expected” of you.

It’s been a super rude awakening.

Which probably makes most of you who grow up with considerably less privilege and safety nets scoff (and you probably should – though I wish I could actually just give you the same safety nets).

I have literally never understood why so many people just go work for some company, Monday-Friday, 9 to 5, and slog along on that path.

It seems horrendous to me.

I love what I’ve gotten to do as a career and it has paid me well enough along the way.

And to my naïve head, that was all I really needed, right?

Since I’m American, the one obnoxious hurdle was healthcare. And I just spun that roulette wheel for most of my 20s and lived without it from like 23-27 or so, when I finally qualified for it on the cruise line I worked for.

(I do not recommend that method.)

But then I found legit ways to get healthcare coverage, even if they are all generally garbage, and essentially just coupons for crazy expensive medical care. Sigh. America.

Between the Affordable Care Act and medical sharing ministries, I dodged that bullet.

But this past year of trying to buy a house has me in a constant state of W.T.F.

And also like, “oh, I see, if I ever wanted a home, I picked the wrong career.”

When I do an initial chat with most mortgage companies, they won’t even run an application for me when we talk about my work history.

Having a 30% down payment and a credit score over 800 does not matter. The fact that I can’t show them two years of work history that is either W-2 or fully self-employed just shuts them right now.

Though, as many of you reading this know, all of is it stage or production management (or teaching it), just some theaters are just set up to make you a W-2 employee for your contract and others are 1099.

The Actors Federal Credit Union, who are supposed to be setup for this, have literally the worst customer service I’ve ever encountered. I was approved for a mortgage there, contingent on my remaining employed, but when the school let me go, my dad offered to co-sign with me (again, a pile of privilege, I know), and for months I’ve been intermittently emailing them and asking if we can redo the application adding him, and switching to the fixed rate instead of APR (so heads up, if you’re looking to buy a house and work in the arts, they have that option now).

Maybe it’s a no. Maybe I’m just not allowed to have a family member co-sign with me, AFCU – but could you just tell me that?

And by bad customer service, I mean, it’s now… 6 months since the first time I think I contacted them, so what the heck? I mean, I get it, there’s a pandemic, but… 6 months. I have largely stopped trying.

I think the thing that makes my blood boil the most is all the first time homebuyer help that is out there is 100% geared towards letting you buy a house with a tiny down payment. It will also help you if you have garbage credit.

So if you’ve done none of the things to prepare yourself to actually buy a house, they will help you buy a house.

If you have a weird work history, a plan to have a very low mortgage payment, a large down payment, and an excellent credit history – too bad buddy. Get in line. Bow to the man and then we’ll let you buy a house.

My rage levels over this vary day to day.

As a matter of fact, if those first time homeowner things were actually possible for me to apply for, with the amount I have to put down according to them, I would have like a 5 year emergency fund of mortgage payments.

But nope.

I’m sure that some of this general pent up pandemic rage and pent up 2020 did not go remotely as planned rage, but today, in honor of this post, I channel it all into my frustration over home buying rage.

Sigh. Sigh. Deeper sign.

At least venting does help a little and I’m going to continue looking into some of the weirder mortgage options. Maybe there’s a hidden gem somewhere I just haven’t found yet.

I have also been reading about depression and my personality type and apparently one of the biggest triggers is having plans derailed. And then it informed me I will fixate on it like a crazy person (I mean, the depression website did not use “crazy person” but that is how I feel lately). So ya’ll may be reading some more posts as I spiral over the pile of failure I feel like these days, though logically, I do realize there is a flipping pandemic still happening.

Thanks for coming to my insane rage rant. Feel free to share whatever has been crushing your soul during this pandemic, even if it seems fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of global things this year (and if it’s Muggle job applications, I actually raved about that a few weeks ago, so feel free to bask in that anger too).