Networking feels like such a dirty word to me (though it is not).

The thing that helped me with it the most was a mindset change. I used to go into networking events thinking what can this do for me. Then I can across a wildly useful tip – think of networking as what you can do for someone else.

I’ve recently been reading The Soulful Art of Persuasion (it’s a good one, I recommend it) and the author explains in it that people who give tend to get more. Which is lovely, right? And a way easier way to go into networking situations.

Think about what you can give.

If I think of networking as a pyramid, my large base is focusing on what I can give. Let’s be honest, in most circles, I can give some frank talk about personal finance. This blog has actually opened my networking circles wider than I ever would’ve imagined – just by sharing something important to me that I’ve gained some info on.

Almost everyone is a self-made expert in something. I’m not talking rocket science here or investing tips (I am not a self-made expert in that – I think I’d classify my self-made financial expertise primarily in just survival). I’m talking making the perfect chocolate chip cookie, the best running routes around Manhattan, how to walk six dogs at once. I don’t know you. But you know you.

Sometimes you can just give someone your full attention. This seems so obvious but as a society, we sort of suck at this. Do you know how much credibility someone gains with me when I’m talking to them, their phone buzzes, and they don’t immediately grab it to check? Quite a bit.

The second level of my networking pyramid is knowing my natural strengths. Hands down, I can kill it at a networking event if I volunteer to help. I love to help. I can easily chat with whoever I am working towards achieving a goal with – we already have setting up this check in table in common! How fantastic.

Maybe you’re a social butterfly and you thrive in environments like these. An easy thing for you to give is to search out someone who doesn’t look like they are thriving, chat with them for a minute, and introduce them to someone else.

If you stop and think for a few minutes about your strengths it will help you at networking events. On the one hand, you can do activities that play into them. You’ll also be conscious of what skills you have to give. On the other hand, you’ll also be aware of when you are in situations that are not your strength – so if you don’t super thrive in that moment, don’t kick yourself. You can actually be pretty pleased that you stepped outside your comfort zone for a few minutes.

SMA does a cool networking event that is like speed dating. Literally a bell rings every five minutes and you have to find someone new to talk to.

This literally sounded like one of my idea of a circle of a hell when I first heard about it – but I also know I need to get better at just chatting with people. So I made myself go. Because I knew my strengths, I didn’t expect it to be a super smooth evening. For me, it was not. I was stressed out for an hour straight and I left a little early because I felt like a completely drained battery but I did meet a lot of really interesting new people and I did something that made me uncomfortable (I do believe it’s good to do things that make you a little uncomfortable from time to time).

The top of the networking pyramid is knowing what you want to ask for – if the opportunity arises.

I know, this sounds like the exact opposite of giving, and it sort of is, but being clear in what you hope to achieve is how you get there in the end.

If you go into a room full of people and after conversing with someone for a minute or two, you say it’s your dream to PA on Broadway right now or you really love dance and are hoping to stage manage more of it, odds are good you don’t happen to accidentally be talking to the PSM of Hamilton or Ailey, but our world is tiny, and there’s a good chance the person you’re talking to might point out someone in the room and send you in that direction.

Or the next person they talk to might be the PSM of Hamilton and they can mention they were just talking to that person in the blue jumper who was dying to PA on Broadway.

The point of this, and of networking, is that you do have to put out into the world what you want sometimes. If you’re looking for a mentor or someone who has a lot of knowledge of how to make your finances work in the arts (cough, cough) or other people who graduated from your university – put it out there. Especially at a literal networking event, folks will not be surprised.

When you’re not at a literal networking event, putting out what you’re looking for still doesn’t hurt. There is a big difference though between being like an attack dog and with no preamble asking a perfect stranger to be your mentor and having a nice chat, where you try to give something, and follow up with the fact that you are looking for a mentor, or more information on what it’s like to work with live animals in performance, or other people who have moved from Louisiana to NYC to work in theater, etc.

At a Networking Event

A few practical tips for networking events:

• If you have to wear a name tag, look around at the others. If it doesn’t appear super formal, put a fun fact on your name tag to give people something to chat with you about.
• Whenever you’re standing in a line, make it goal to chat with at least one other person. This is also a good reason to hit the bar often (just kidding… well, no, not really kidding).
• Make sure you have business cards. They are still useful, even in this digital age. You can get good looking, extremely cheap ones from Vistaprint. A box will last you a good long while, but you’ll be happy you have some when you need them.

After networking events, send a follow up email to everyone you received a business card from, telling them it was nice to meet them. If you have a sec, after meeting folks or on the way home from an event, jot down any details you remember about someone on the back of their business card.

Where to Look for Opportunities

Join associations. Not all networking needs to be in person. Honestly, the first “association” I would say I joined was the SMNetwork, which was literally just a discussion board. The people who were very active on it really stood out, and I often felt like I would “know” them if I met them in real life.

Nowadays, the numerous Facebook groups seem to be filling a similar need. The nice thing about this is that there are some massive groups of stage managers from all over the world in some groups, but there are also little regional groups to get to know the other stage managers where you live.

The best place to look is the Stage Managers’ Association. They do tons of networking events all year. If you live in the NYC area, there is no shortage of them, but there are also meet-ups now in most larger cities around the U.S.

The Broadway Stage Management Symposium is another really cool event that’s held annually and provides a combination of amazing learning opportunities and a lot of time to meet and mingle with other stage managers.

You can also look for groups that connected to your other interests, like joining any of the bowling, softball, sports leagues for theater folk in NYC or service groups like the Broadway Green Alliance.

What do you do to network? Do you have any tips for folks just starting out?