I thought I would share my experience with the free Covid tests you can get by mail in New Jersey, in case anyone else is wondering about that experience.

At the beginning of the pandemic, there was a massive drive through site at the local university that was actually really efficient. As the vaccine became available, the site sort of shifted to a vaccination center and reduced their testing days.

Later in the pandemic, I got used to going to CityMD for my Covid testing needs. You go first thing in the morning, get on the list for the test, and at some point that day you get a text to go back for your test and have 30 minutes to do so before they give away your slot. Not an option if I had to work, but on days when I didn’t have to work – by far the most effective way to get tested and, as long as you were there when they opened in the morning, you would always get called the same day.

In November, I realized there was even a new testing center in front of the local library that never seemed to have more than two or three cars lined up for a test at a time. I never used it, but noted it was there.

And then there was Christmas 2021.

I thought, I should get a Covid test, just in case, before meeting up with family for Christmas (though I was fine and did not think I had Covid). I made an appointment for the little testing site in front of the library, it even had a set time I had to show up.

When I got there at 5:15 PM for my 5:30 PM appointment, the line of cars was well over 100 and we crept forward at the rate of one car every five minutes. There was no way I was going to be seen before they closed at 8:00 PM.

The next morning, I went to CityMD. I usually go about 10 minutes before opening. This time I went an hour and the line already had about two to three hundred people ahead of me and as I approached the end of the line, the guy there was telling the ladies in front of him that this was his third day trying to get tested and not getting a text to come in and it was the earliest he had gotten there and the farthest back in the line he had been.

One side of my family came here from Communist Russia in the 50’s and I have been getting serious vibes from all the Covid testing lines that remind me of all their stories.

So I gave up and went home and ordered some rapid tests on Amazon that helpfully told me they would arrive at the end of January.

Not currently helpful, but I figure at least I’ll be prepared for next time?

Christmas comes and goes and the day after Christmas, my brother tells all of us he just tested positive for Covid.

Excellent.

Now aware that the possibility of getting a Covid test is essentially hopeless, I just decide to stay inside for the next 10 days and wait and see if I get sick.

However, I did some Googling and found that New Jersey offers free test kits that mail to your house.

I read this great article that said the Covid test is free and will arrive at your house the day after you order it and then you’ll get your results within 24-48 hours after sending it back out.

Awesome, so this is looking like a 72 hour turnaround time, which sounds way better than staying home for 10 days just in case while I feel overall fine.

The free at-home saliva test for New Jersey residents can be found here. But if you are in a rush, I can’t say I recommend them at all.

I went to the website on the afternoon of the 27^th and it told me they were all out of tests for the day. Then after that brief notice, it pushed through and added a $90 version to my cart.

After sputtering and canceling out of the site, I went back the next morning and was able to order the test for free on 12/28 at 10:50 AM.

I assumed I would receive it the next day.

On the evening of 12/29, I got an email notifying me the test had shipped.

It arrived a little after 1:00 PM on 12/31.

When the test arrives, you have to make a Zoom appointment so a nurse of some sort can tell you to spit in the tube that is labeled as the tube you spit in. All of this is very weird. I have no idea why a nurse has to be involved in this process at all. The saliva test is 100% easier than shoving a Q-tip into your own nose for the at-home rapid tests.

But anyway.

I logged onto Zoom first thing on 1/1 and there was no wait. I popped right into a meeting with the nurse, spit in my tube while she told me about her dogs, popped the preservative liquid cap onto the vial, and packaged it up. I dropped the package in the mail by noon on 1/1.

Now, I guess to be fair, there was no mail on 1/1 or 1/2.

You create an account when you sign up for the test and you can track the test there as well. On 1/3 the website was indicating they have received my sample, though on 1/5 I received an email from Vault Health telling me my sample has just arrived?

At 9:00 PM on January 6^th, I finally learned I had a negative test.

A mere 11 days after I learned I was exposed.

Not the most effective system available. And if I’d paid $90 for that I would’ve been livid.

Overall, if you’re trying to quickly find out if you have Covid, the free Vault Health tests for NJ residents are a total fail.

Even without the two days of holiday delay from the post office, it would be 9 days and I possibly could’ve jumped right on Zoom after opening the mail on 31^st and had the sample back in the mail that day, but at best it would’ve dropped it down to 8 days and in reality, I don’t know that I would’ve made a mail pickup in time for that day anyway.

Overall, these tests are very slow and I’m not sure they are worth using at all, since you may as well just quarantine for that time frame anyway. Heck, it’s longer than the new (seriously questionable) guidance for quarantining from the CDC anyway.

Hopefully now that we’re past the holidays, the rush for tests will abate a little, but if this nonsense is still happening next year, I recommend stocking up on rapid tests in October.