Sometimes I think I deal with money like a total lunatic.

Exhibit A: This lamp.

You may ask, who really cares about a silly lamp? But in this case, I do. I first saw a lamp like this approximately 5 years ago. 3 years ago, I moved into an apartment and thought – I will finally buy this lamp. I can’t stop thinking about this lamp. It is my favorite home decoration I’ve maybe ever seen. I will buy this lamp. But then I didn’t.

The lamp is like $250. That’s…. a crazy amount of money for a lamp, right? Seriously.

And yet… we are now on year 5 of me thinking about this lamp. Planning-ish to get this lamp. And then not getting the lamp.

Side hustling well over $250, along the way telling myself that the money is for the lamp. You can guilt free buy a stupid $250 lamp, if you really want.

And then not doing it because $250 for a lamp is crazy.

But then continuing to stand in stores that sell them and stare longingly at the lamp – like a total lunatic. Glaring at the Etsy page where I first saw one of these lamps and thinking – one little click and I could own you.

And still – I do not buy the lamp.

However, I have dropped over $100 on candles on a whim on Etsy.

When I was cold earlier in the year, I could’ve bundled up – instead I impulse bought a heater for nearly $100 without a second thought.

And as you can see, nothing about lamp would be impulse at this point.

I earned well over $250 in UserTesting money that I was doing for lamp.

I earned well over $250 in blog money that I had earmarked for lamp.

What is going on brain?!!?

So… sometimes even I acknowledge, I’m pretty weird about how I spend my money.

When it comes to splurging versus saving, I find, especially as someone with a variable income, that I am most comfortable splurging on a one off purchase and being very careful about items with recurring fees.

For instance – my flat. My flat is… not great. Not the worst, but not great either. The layout is super weird. The shower in very tiny. The boiler keeps malfunctioning. Every appliance in it is old and sucks up energy like crazy. I have to prepay my electric with the nonsense electricity key. I have to fight the gas supplier every few months when they keep saying I’m using way more gas than I am and than my meter reflects. It’s not in a very convenient location.

Lately I have been perusing other flats online and each time I just sigh because my flat is not great but my rent is. I pay under £1000 a month. And next year, if I stay, it increases to just over £1000. The flats I actually really want to live in start around £1900 a month to live alone.

So I stick with my lower recurring cost outlay  – at least until I’m done with grad school.

Alternatively, though I’ve been inexplicably weird about the lamp, I’m more willing to splurge on things for my flat. If I have a good income month, maybe I buy the nice pot that I know will last a long time instead of the Poundland or Tesco pot that starts to warp quickly.

I think this is part of why I like travel so much too because you can budget and then (barring an emergency or something), it costs what it costs. So if a bougie trip is affordable that year, it can be a bougie trip. Other years… maybe we go camping.

Another example of this is car versus car insurance. A car, if purchased in cash, is a one off major cost. But insurance and repairs – it’s worth making sure I find the best deal (which isn’t always the cheapest). Those expenses will continue for years.

So how do you decide what to splurge and what to save on? Especially if you also go through life with a variable income.