Online dating has always been really interesting to me. One of my really good friends met her husband online and they are just perfect for each other. Back when they met, circa 2007 or so, they both lied through their teeth about meeting online. When she came clean, I thought she was nuts! Who cares how you met?!? You’re so happy together!

Another friend of mine is an elementary school teacher, surrounded by women, who always complains about never meeting any men. But for years she refused to sign up on an online dating site. She finally caved after learning several of her co-workers were doing it.

Folks, there shouldn’t be any stigma to online dating anymore!

In the name of science, I present you with my findings so you can get your groove back – frugally. Lots of dating websites have some pretty hefty fees, including the granddaddy of all dating websites, eHarmony, but many have free options as well.

I haven’t spent a penny on any of this research (except for going out on actual dates).

eHarmony

When you sign up for eHarmony, even the free version, you take their famous personality test. To me, it seemed like a dumbed down Briggs-Meyers test, which makes sense as that’s often a pretty accurate personality assessment.

After completing that, you fill out your profile. I’d suggest you cover that sucker in pictures.

Then someone picks you and you begin to run the question gauntlet of love. An email turns up in your inbox saying someone has picked you and sent you their “Quick Questions” which are 5 multiple choice questions. You answer and send back your own five from eHarmonys list of preapproved questions, or you can write your own.

If that goes well, you send your “Make of Breaks” which are incredibly stupid and I barely even read them anymore. Makes are just a list of 10 items that are appealing to you (yes, fiscally responsible is one of mine) and Breaks are things that would be deal breakers – included on this list are smelly, narcotics, alcoholic – a really odd list of things you can pick from that I really feel should be self-explanatory.

If you make it this far on the gauntlet and still like what you’re reading, you can advance to “Dig Deeper” which is 3 open ended questions.

Finally, you can send each other “eH Mail” – which is really just emailing each other.

To check out who has viewed your profile, you need to upgrade.

When you check out your suggested matches, about 70% of them will say “so-and-so is a great match, but he just happens to be outside of your settings,” so if you want to meet this great match, you need to upgrade.

The matches you can access, you can start to communicate with, but you can’t check out their profile, you need to upgrade.

Here’s a big one – to see any photos of your match, you need to upgrade.

Which makes free eHarmony sort of an interesting Russian roulette. At no point in time do you ever see a picture of this guy (or gal). I’ve spoken to quite a few dudes and not had a clue what any looked liked. On the plus side, you can bet your bottom I was paying attention to their answers in the question gauntlet.

As obnoxious as not seeing pictures is, although it makes sense since I am only committing to the free version here, the real kicked to me was the eH Mail conundrum that took me more than a month to figure out.

I’d run the question gauntlet with some guy and we’d get to eH Mail. He’s write to me. I’d write to him. I would never hear from any of them ever again. After puzzling over this, I started to poke around the website where I learned the real free eHarmony deal breaker –

After one eH Mail, if you ever want to contact that person again, you need to upgrade. And they never tell you this! You just think the person hated you or dropped dead or something awesome like that.

So essentially, free eHarmony is useless.

And also, if you’re one of the few gentlemen I was having a perfectly nice conversation with and actually was totally willing to go out on a date with from a few weeks ago – sorry, dude, eHarmony screwed us both there.

Should you change your mind about wanting to upgrade from the free version, eHarmony makes this very easy since they endlessly and relentlessly bombard you with adds and offers to upgrade to the paid version. The lowest I’ve found for a month seems to be $19.95, but you have to commit to 2 years to get that price.

Perhaps its needless to say at this point, but eHarmony was not a winner for me.

If you are looking for a frugal way to meet someone, here are a few better sites do to it:

SoulGeek

If you’re a little bit geeky, and I am, this site could be the one for you. It doesn’t have the massive quantity of people that the larger sites have, but every once in a while I get hit and usually I wind up far more interested in the guys on this site than any other.

It is completely free. You can actually see each other and your communication is not limited.

Hinge

This is a cool app that feels a lot less sleezy than Tinder. It’s more like being set up on a blind date by a friend. It links to your Facebook and shows you friends of friends.

It points out interests you have in common and let’s you know what friend you have in common – so you can check up on them and see if they are a serial killer before grabbing a bite with them.

I do have to say I’m always a little puzzled when you match with someone and they don’t even say “hey” which is like 50% of the time (seriously, guys, how much easier can we make life for you?)

Tinder

And, of course, if you just want to get laid, you can always download Tinder.