Does Living With Your Parents Make Your Financially Irresponsible? | brokeGIRLrich
I’m getting a little sick of reading about all the millennials living at home – almost always in negative terms.
It’s Supposed to Be Tough When You’re Young by Janine over at My Pennies, My Thoughts really struck a chord with me because at 31, I don’t really think it’s embarrassing to me living with my folks. And I love the heck out of Laurie’s posts over at The Frugal Farmer, but a recent guest post on her site pointed out 5 Mistakes You Need to Avoid Spending Money More Wisely and the first mistake was “parental financial support.”
Tina, the guest poster, wrote “adults dependent on their parents for support can never understand the importance of money. They also lack the decision-making abilities.”
I beg to differ.
I am currently dependent on my parents for housing. And, to be honest, they feed me about 90% of the time too.
Do you know where my rent money goes? In an emergency savings fund, a retirement fund, and an investment fund. I have a savings account for a home and a new car that both have a lot more money in them than they would if I were paying rent somewhere.
I know this, because I have paid rent other places. I’ve lived in other countries. I’ve supported myself in two of the most expensive cities in the world (San Francisco and New York City). You know what I found? The smartest financial choice, for me, is to always live at home.
Do my parents mind? Well, I’m assuming I can trust them when they assure me they don’t. Throughout the majority of history, it was not uncommon for families to continue living together until the kids got married. As the average age at which people get married creeps up, why should we be surprised that people are staying home longer?
I honestly feel this notion of requiring that people have their own place is a modern construct that is rarely in anyone’s best interest. Besides the fact that our society has increasingly grown more and more isolated from one another in every way possible, it is a poor financial choice.
An extremely common thing to find in a “how to save money” post is advice on getting a roommate. If your family is in a position to allow you to continue to live with them, and you have a job that is a commutable distance, there is no reason not to just continue that arrangement.
Do you honestly think living on your own is the only way to learn responsibility? I don’t know about you, but my parents have been teaching me about responsibility since I was a little girl in a 1,000 different ways.
And that’s really where the problem is. So many kids are boomeranging back with no sense of responsibility at all. Yes, that is largely their fault, but they’re boomeranging back to the people who had the first responsibility to teach them what responsibility actually is. And evidently, they have failed.
Because if they didn’t fail, then those kids would probably be welcomed back with open arms and the kids would be confident they were welcome because they feel comfortable having an honest conversation about whether or not the parents really mind them being there and what kind of time frame they have in mind.
The responsible kids know to save that extra money and use the time they have to get ahead. Just like everyone urges people to open retirement accounts as early as possible because of compound interest, for the vast majority of people, there is a time limit on how long you can go before taking on responsibilities that cost money and allowing people into your life that require you to compromise on things like where you’re going to live. Even applying the savings from just a few years of living at home is going to put you miles ahead of all those folks who ran out and got an apartment on their own right after college.
Here’s the good news though, if that irresponsible kid did boomerang back to you because of your initial failure, there’s no reason you can’t start laying down the law and inflicting some responsibility on them now. Quite honestly, with a kid like that, that’ll probably get them to move out post haste anyway.
But mostly, I wanted to sound off for all the millennials, whether they’re 18 or 35, living with family, enjoying the time they have together, and saving like there’s no tomorrow. If that’s lacking decision making abilities, I’ll take it.
I think living with you parents is extremely responsible. Let’s face it — rent is outrageous in most cities. And it’s not getting any easier. If your parents are cool and have the space, why not? I wouldn’t hesitate to do it if I still lived in the Boston area.
Kate @ Cashville Skyline recently posted…December 2015 Monthly Budget Review
It’s true. When I spent a year working in NYC, I checked out rent prices around here and they were only $100-200 less than I wound up paying in NYC for a tiny bit more space AND I would’ve had to pay for a monthly NJ Transit pass on top of everything.
Living with your parents (or with your kids, for that matter. As you get older, that becomes a question, too.) is not in and of itself irresponsible. Living apart from your parents isn’t in and of itself isn’t responsible, either. My brother lives on his own, but still comes back to my parents every time he needs an unexpected bill paid. You know, like the heating oil bill that comes around every single year, but hey, not a monthly expense.
I think what makes it responsible/irresponsible is that whatever your arrangement, you need to make sure everyone understands and follows the expectations, both financial (to what degree is the financial support?) and communal (to what degree do you contribute to the household in other ways be cooking/cleaning/yardwork/etc?) If you aren’t meeting the expectations that the folks you are living with set, then you’re being irresponsible.
I will say this: For me, living with my Mom in my late 20s made me feel less adult, even though I was contributing to the household expenses, saving for retirement, paying for a car and insurance, paying off debt, etc. Setting up my own household, with my own stuff, made me feel more adult. But spending that time with my Mom as an adult helped me know her a lot better. You relate differently than you do as a kid, and you notice different things and have different conversations when you live in the same house than when you’re apart. Now she’s gone, and I don’t regret the time I spent with her as an adult but do wish I’d been more cognizant that life is fleeting.
Emily @ JohnJaneDoe recently posted…Do You Have to Be Weird to be Debt-Free?
I think from all the months and years at a time that I was traveling in my early and mid-twenties, I feel extra cognizant of how fleeting life is. To me, it’s an added benefit to get to spend extra time with my parents. Who knows when life will throw a curveball that results in me living on the other side of the world or rarely getting to see them again?
Great post and perspective that as you mention gets left out of so many “young people live with their parents” articles. Being responsible or irresponsible is independent of living or not living with your folks. Heck, I don’t think there is any one thing that can be used to determine if someone is “responsible” or not. It’s a combination of so many factors and very individually focused.
Cheers Mel! Great post
I don’t think that just because a person lives with their parents that it makes them irresponsible with money. If I could have, I definitely would have stayed home longer. Living on my own at 18 was hard!
Michelle recently posted…30+ Ways To Save Money Each Month
It can go either way. I think as long as there is a short and/or long term goal being worked for then it is totally responsible. Whether that is their financial or educational goals or being there to help their parents through a rough patch health-wise or with the home itself.
My daughter and husband moved back home with us to save enough for a home down payment. The plan was 6 months and they helped around the house. It went a little longer due to finding a home and closing the deal. It was a very enjoyable experience for us all and super financially responsible. That was 2012 when housing was still in the dumps so it was a sweet move for them. I have a friend who moved back home to help his mom care for his ailing father. People who don’t know why he is back in his basement bedroom are probably critical as you have mentioned being the stereotype for returning kids. However he has a job and takes care of more than most people do. Great post to allow the other side of kids moving back home to be brought to light.
LeisureFreak Tommy recently posted…Pension De-Risking Hurts Retirees
You’re not relying on your parents for support. You have the means to have a place of your own, that I think it the difference here. I think it’s irresponsible it a situation where the parent or kid is enabling the other. Allowing them to freeload. This is not the case for you. So if you parents are okay with it and you are saving so be it.
Brian @DebtDiscipline recently posted…Doctor Evil Money
I agree with you, freeloaders are a different story – as a matter of fact, they are THE story people are generally trying to tell when they generalize millennials moving back in with their parents. However, the vast majority of articles I’ve read just follow the generalization and never allow for it being a responsible alternative.
I think you are living with your parents as a smart way to save money and use it for other smart things. A lot of people who move back in with their parents aren’t doing so to save money for other smart financial things. They are using that money for things like going out with friends, etc. Some people live with their parents for smart reasons, but I don’t think that’s the case for most.
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I’m not sure whether or not it’s the case for most, but what I do know is that no one seems to speak up about how it is also a smart reason, not ONLY a freeloading reason.
I saw a t-shirt the other day that said, “Living with your parents is the new black.”
I think that, like anything, the situation can go one of two ways. First, it could cause you to slack because you don’t have the responsibilities of rent and food and such. Other other hand, it could make you desperate to get out on your own, saving every cent and looking for new ways to grow your income.
Of course, there are a few exceptions like yours, but by and large, I think the two above are the most common. And I like to think that the latter is far more common. Few kids *want* to live with their parents, so if they do it, it’s out of necessity. And they’re highly motivated to get their finances in order.
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Yes most of the stories discussed are based on people who live with parents and work, but don’t chip in or help out around the house. (Plus they don’t save much) That enabling is damaging to them, and they should have more responsibility. In your case it seems like it is a different story. Imagine someone living with parents, who is over 30, doesn’t buy groceries, doesn’t help with utilities, doesn’t do chores, this is the behavior that is commonly scolded.
EL @ Moneywatch101 recently posted…Milestones Realized in 2015
This is the behavior that’s intended to be scolded, but in general, all people living at home are attacked without disparity.
I actually ENCOURAGE my millennial clients to live with parents, especially if their parents are easy to live with. When I graduated from college I was told by my mom and dad that I couldn’t come home so I better find a job. I wish that I could have saved all of that rent money and got a jumpstart on my finances by living at home. I think it’s one of the most responsible and financially sound decisions someone could make and I highly encourage and support it.
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🙂
My husband and I (at age 32 and 41) lived with my in-laws for 6 months in an attempt to save money for a house. It was a responsible decision in my opinion. It unfortunately didn’t work out as planned, but that’s another story and totally off topic. We did what we needed to do and our families (on both sides) have helped us more than once. I will help my sons when they need it too. The best part of living with family was not the financial parts, it was the time together. Those memories are priceless, especially as our aging parents begin to leave us (my dad was the first to die in December 2014 so this is heavy on my husband and I’s minds). Thanks for sticking up for us millenials!
Erin @ Stay At Home Yogi recently posted…Dear New Mommy in the NICU … | NICU Mom Series
I wish more people wrote about this. In most of the world it is actually the norm for unmarried children to live at home. In the USA, it was the norm before the 1950’s. Remember The Waltons? Remember Bonanza? As the saying goes, “Many hands make the work light.” It is only irresponsible if someone refuses to do some chores. Everyone should clean up after themselves, pay their own out-of-pocket expenses,and do some chores. I lived single for many years paying for a one bedroom apartment that I was in for an average of 2 hours a day, not counting sleep and personal cares time. What was the point? Before you get married, living at home allows a person to pay for college or save up for a house when they get married. But, even if you don’t need money for those two items, you can still use money for treating the family to all kinds of goodies such as fancy food for holidays, renting an RV for a vacation, treating parents to cruises. There are a zillion other ways to spend the saved money to help others after you have saved some money for a rainy day. Houses have gotten bigger over the years and there are a lot of rooms just collecting dust. (I know. Even with me here we still have unused rooms that I have to dust once in awhile.)
Ahhh, love your comment! I absolutely agree that if everyone is being responsible about pitching in, it can be a great way to live.