It’s time for another one of those confession-y posts in which I share how candles are lately making me lose my dang mind and what I’m doing to try to keep from spending every penny over at Bubble and Geek on Etsy.

I blame the nesting mood I’ve been in this year. I’ve really been Jonesing to like settle down and live like a normal adult and have a home.

It was a constantly lurking urge, but a trip to Ikea with my best friend who is about the best home decorator on earth pushed me over the edge. I really just needed a small desk for my room at my parents house, but all I could think about was my imaginary home someday and how I would decorate.

I’ve been on a such a kick I’ve upped my down payment savings and been reading up more on tiny homes. My favorite tiny home picture is now on my dobot account to remind me of why I’m saving.

But my life has continued as normal and so I wander the earth from job to job without a real home.

I realize I’ve been balancing that and my nesting urge by buying candles. Because they are both portable and home-y.

Maybe I’ve suddenly got a few too many candles. Maybe I’m turning into a crazy candle hoarder.

Maybe I just understand a little better how Smeagol felt when he found that ring in the first place, alright? Don’t judge me.

 I didn’t realize the full lunacy of it until I was late night Etsy browsing – never a good idea – and realized I’d tossed about $300 worth of candles in my cart.

$300.

$300 of candles.

I mean, I didn’t have any intention of buying them all. Lies. I had all the intentions. But none of the money. So that just wasn’t going to happen. But $300 in candles didn’t seem that unreasonable while I was on my mad shopping binge.

I gave myself a little pep talk. And reminded myself that part of my crazy candle binging urges are totally fine. They’re natural. It’s ok to want to have a home and live in one place.

I reminded myself that just because urges are natural doesn’t mean we have to give in to them.

Annnnnnd now these candles have led me back to 7^th grade health class. I feel like a banana is going to appear soon and things are going to get awkward.

Bananas. Banana scented. Candles. Back to the candles.

Everything leads back to candles lately.

Anyway. The point of that weird rant was what I keep trying to remind myself. Sometimes our spending habits can get a little weird and when that happens, and you finally open your eyes to it, there’s usually a psychological reason behind it.

I can buy 30 candles because that is easy (though expensive, not that I have 30 candles in my room or anything, I mean…), reevaluating where my life is going and whether my career path is really fulfilling everything I want in life (spoiler alert: it really isn’t) and what on earth I’m going to do about it is not easy.

So my first steps were to look for a more secure job with a little more permanency and a little less vagabonding. I’m starting a new job next week that doesn’t have a set end date (guys, that’s a big deal for me). It’s not in the city I want to live in forever and the work schedule still isn’t perfect, but it’s a big step in the direction I want my life to move in.

And maybe I celebrated by buying two more candles. So sue me. Progress is a constantly uphill battle. As long as it’s two steps forward for each step back, I’m doing ok.

And the journey might as well smell good, right?