2014 was easily the worst year of my life. I moved back to the tristate area to be around my grandmother for her last few months. I worked a job I hated and was terrible at. I broke up with a long term boyfriend.

I honestly spent most of the year on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I was also struggling to make ends meet and hit my savings goals. I  know that as soon as I add in that level of “hit my savings goals,” it’s pointing to a level of privilege lots of people don’t have, but since I dohave it – paying my rent and maxing out my IRA have always felt like equally pressing obligations to me. Because who’s gonna take care of old Mel? Probably only me. I don’t need some aging website to remind me, I’m constantly aware I’m gonna be on my own.

And also, the impending death of a grandparent was a strong reminder of mortality and growing old and cancer is expensive and death is expensive.

I think 2014 was one of the first years that Treat Yo Self made sense though. When everything is falling apart, a few minutes of sweet, caffeinated goodness from Starbucks seems to taste better than when the world is continuing like normal.

Having to turn down going out with friends because you can’t really afford it feels more isolating and sad than during a normal year.

Maybe it’s also just having gone through it once before, but for the first time, being more financially stable has a goal – how can I use this money I have to make the next few months suck a little less than they’re going to?

#1: I was able to just walk away from a steady job.

I know that’s already way more than most people can do with a sick parent. I mean, I also know people are forced to do it even when it’s not in their best financial interest, but more than anything I’m really happy that I don’t only have a week or two of vacation accessible to me to go say good-bye. Like – how do you even do that? There’s no way in hell I would be able to walk away at the end of that time. And how do you even time which week you should go? Do you go before it gets really bad so you still have some good time together or do you want to be there to support them in the end? How do you even make a choice like that? I can literally feel my brain circuits fritzing as I ponder it.

#2: I have enough saved up to pay for some health care. 

I was the most stressed about sorting this out.

Interestingly enough, I just got healthcare through the marketplace for 2019. Everyone said it would be a nightmare, but it only took me about forty five minutes, including about 10 minutes on hold. I also projected my 2019 income at my freelancing rates, so assuming that’s what I make, I qualified for a subsidy and my insurance will be $60 a month cheaper than right now with a $3,000 deductible instead of the current $10,000 and I can still use an HAS. I honestly have the worst insurance in the world right now.

BUT. Even if that hadn’t panned out, I could’ve gone back to the healthcare sharing ministry I used in the past. Which, in NJ, would’ve cost me about $70 a month more than this marketplace plan anyway.

#3: I started a Fun Fund.

Since I remembered that lattes are cathartic and a new sweater might be the closest to happy I get for a while in the middle of things, I started a fun fund when I decided I was leaving the circus. However much I manage to put in there is what I can just spend without feeling like not only is the rest of my life falling apart, but I’m not destroying my bank accounts too. The Fun Fund also helped finance some of my mom’s Christmas gift to go see a show she’s wanted to see for years that freaking never has any ticket discounts.

I do have plans to pick up some freelance stage manager work and I even have an interview with a dance company next week that goes out on a few dates a month. I’m excited to maybe be a stagehand once in a while down where I went to college and there is always the dreaded substitute teaching. Or maybe I can build brokeGIRLrich into a powerhouse website while I’m home (probably not). Another nice thing  about everything I’ve learned from blogging about personal finance over the years is that there really are a lot of different ways to make money.

Maybe some of these things will make the next several months a little less overwhelming. Probably not… but at least it is definitely one less thing to worry about.