Are We Unhealthily Obsessed With The Past? | brokeGIRLrich
Recently one of my best friends sent me a picture of her Facebook feed showing her a breakdown of what happened on her wall 1-3-5-10 years ago. She sent it to me because apparently I had left her a note saying I was probably moving to San Francisco shortly and I had to postpone one of our plans.
Turns out that move to San Francisco was the decision that wound up defining the next 7 years of my life. If I were to line up the next decade of choices like dominoes, the spot where they would originate is with that decision to move to California.
After she sent it, I spent a long time thinking about the past few years and wondering about all the things I didn’t do. If I hadn’t moved to San Francisco, I think the odds are really good I would’ve moved back to New Jersey and settled down into some average 9-5 job. Who can really say? …but I think it’s likely.
And good golly, what a different life that would be.
I don’t regret my life or where I am, but I do acknowledge it comes with a lot of trade-offs. You know, it’s twelve in one hand and a dozen in the other, but I definitely got into kind of a funk thinking about how many events I’ve missed with friends and family, lamenting my ability to maintain a normal romantic relationship, mourning the house I don’t have to decorate.
Man, it was super unhealthy.
I felt similarly when I was in debt. I’d line up the life decision dominos that got me there, knock ‘em down and think, if only I just hadn’t met that one person who advised me to go to school or I had gotten into a different program with financial aid.
I’d sit there and stew and wind up depressed, desperately requiring some Oreos and a binge watching marathon of Grey’s Anatomy.
And nothing got done.
Personally, when I’m looking back, I’m not moving forward.
Or If I’m starting to try to stumble forward, but can’t let go of looking back – I walk into poles, or, ya know, the life equivalent of that.
I feel that way now sometimes as I watch my friend’s settle into respectable salaries going into their 30’s and enjoy benefits like employee sponsored health care and 401(k)’s. What if I hadn’t gone to California and kicked off this nomad life? I’d probably have those things too.
What if I just weren’t a stage manager? I could probably have those things too. Instead I’m seriously considering taking a job for a month that pays $200 a week this summer. For a 40-hour work week, that’s $5 an hour. And if you know anything about stage managing, it will be more than 40 hours a week.
It’s cool though. I’ve only got 12 years experience doing this. I’ve literally held people’s lives in my hands while calling cues. That’s reasonable, right?
Sigh.
I kind of hate Time Hop.
I can continue to look back and lament my decisions or I can look forward. And occasionally harness the power of looking back to realize that I wouldn’t trade the adventures of my wandering life for anything. And I probably would’ve lost my mind sitting at a desk for the last 7 years.
I was hung up on my past for a long time. Having spent my first year of adult life post-college in Asia, it felt like nothing would ever live up to that. As soon as I let go and started looking forward, everything changed. Nothing will ever be my time in Asia, but nothing will ever be today either.
Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life recently posted…How I Turned My Side Job Into A Career
I love “nothing will ever be today either.”
It tough not to get caught up in the “what ifs” of the past. I always remind myself that I can’t change those things now. I can though on the decision I make today and going forward.
I try not to get hung up on the past. As you said, if you are looking back you aren’t moving forward!
Kayla @ Hello Pre Nurse recently posted…Fitting in Fitness while in College
I like to sometimes just think about past memories that make me happy. Part of it is I don’t want to ever forget them. Mostly life with my son before he passed away. But it isn’t holding back in anyway. Maybe from totally letting go but I don’t want to.
There have been some nasty corporate slights in my first career that caused financial and personal injury that will sometimes rise up anytime the ex-convict CEO gets any press coverage about him, his time in fed prison or his beloved cell mates Juice and Spooner, but again I don’t let it impact my future. Like you/others say, you can’t change the past.
LeisureFreak Tommy recently posted…Confessions of a Serial Retiree
I used to be a “grass is always greener” gal. I was never satisfied with right now, until I had kids. Now I try to live for now and for my immediate future, but the funny thing, is now I look back and do lament all those years I could have just been happy and satisfied with my life. Its funny how once you find a satisfaction in life you want to go back and tell your past self to just be happy! Oh well, hopefully my future self will be proud where I am now 🙂
Elise @ Simply Scaled Down recently posted…Chocolate Covered Banana Bites
I have been feeling sooo similar lately, and it’s not productive at all. Yes, the time I spent abroad in Europe doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with my best friends was amazing. Yes, I should have taken advantage of that more.
However, where I am now is really great. I know you mentioned things you don’t have (romantic partner, 401(k), etc.), and I do have those things. To me, it seems boring, but what a terrible thing to say! I’m very, very lucky to be in a stable place right now.
No, it’s not the exciting past, but you know what? I kept a journal back then, and reading through it makes me feel better. Past-me wanted the things now-me has. I have to laugh, because the takeaway from those journals is never think about the grass on the other side. Embrace the life you’re living now, warts and all (but definitely have a plan for the future, of course! ;))
Melissa @ Sunburnt Saver recently posted…April Recap and May Goals
I’ve totally done this. Had a full ride to a school out west and turned it down because the local private university I went to was more prestigious. I didn’t last very long because it was also infinitely more expensive. And made a lot of major life decisions as a result of “dropping out.” Arguably not great ones. But I never would have meet my husband, found my dream field, had these kids if I had gone. Doesn’t stop you from dreaming, though! I’m sure me in an alternate universe is doing the same about going to the fancier school, though. Life’s an adventure, not a goal. So enjoying each turn is the most important part. If anything, the fact that you’re not on the same track as your friends is way more interesting and exciting, if not as monetarily rewarding.
Femme Frugality recently posted…The Digital Envelope Budget with Kaiku
“Life’s an adventure, not a goal.” I love that, even though it’s difficult to remember most of the time.
Especially for type A’s, of which I’m a part!
Femme Frugality recently posted…Selena Gomez and Entitlement
Life has a funny way of playing out sometimes!
One of my own friends shared a timehop pic last year, taken 7 years prior. It was taken outside my old workplace with my team members. I can remember how horribly stressed I was on that particular day. I was heavily in debt, had just postpoined our wedding due to money problems and had experienced a year of hell at work, with a dragon of a boss! I had been diagnosed with depression that year.
Back then I was always striving for something more. Sometimes I regret waiting so long before trying to change things and wonder where I would be now if I’d taken a different course sooner. I’m just glad I did it eventually.
I think you’re right in saying that if you’re looking back, you’re not moving forwards. These days, I have an idea of what I want for my life and little by little, I am at least moving forward in the direction I want to go in. I try not to let regret affect things.
Hayley @ Disease Called Debt recently posted…Financially Savvy Saturdays #89
Sometimes I would like to do it all over again and make it better. I wonder though would it be any better than the life I have now. It’s best for me just to try and make each day a good one I think and not worry about it.
Have a great day!
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