Am I the Only One Who Has Forgotten How to Have a Hobby? | brokeGIRLrich
I have struggled a little this winter with what I suspect is some seasonal depression. And I am also a person who struggled with ‘turning off.’ When I’m working on a project, I just do it – borderline obsessively – until it is done.
PhDs don’t work like that.
And I don’t know if it’s been the weather or the cumulative effect of a project I haven’t been able to complete for more than two years now (which I knew going in, I just in no way understood the mental weight of that) or maybe it’s some other factor.
At any rate, I have been struggling with figuring out how to decompress successfully. Upon reflection, I realized that I’ve never been really good at this.
I think this ‘get-it-all-done’ urge has always been in me. It’s why I loved cruise ships – cram all the work and extra hours and no days off into a 4 month contract but then get two glorious whole months off and also go to a new ship so no one is chasing you about stuff on vacation. You are done with that last contract. A mostly clean cut-off.
Different theatre contracts have been the same.
And when I reflected on it, I realized there have really been very few things I manage to get lost in for fun.
For the first year and a half of this PhD, I was roller skating about once a week, which I did enjoy but an injury has put that on hold for the last few months.
And while I like swimming and do consider it a ‘hobby’ it doesn’t really provide much decompression. I know it’s just healthy and I do feel mentally better when I do it – that said the time to get to and from the pool, the cost and the unrelenting cold of England everywhere – in public, at the gym and at my home – has made swimming the least appealing it’s been in my whole life.
So I sat and had a thought about it and realized… I genuinely am not sure I know how to have a hobby anymore.
Two things came to mind – I recalled that in college, I played a lot of The Sims. That sort of cognitive decompression thing I’m looking for did used to happen then. But I downloaded The Sims at some point during the pandemic and found that it didn’t really do that for me anymore.
When I was working on my first Masters degree, a roommate and I played a lot of Guitar Hero and I have been tempted to give this a try again. However, my Wii is MIA in New Jersey (I searched for it over Christmas) and I’m trying to justify spending £100 for a used Wii and some Guitar Hero games and guitars.
If I knew it would suck me in like it used to, I’d be all about it. But I’m just not sure.
I also used to love to read. But I rarely feel the urge these days to go from reading academic texts for large portions of my work day to reading for fun in the evening (with the one notable exception of Stephen King – my dad has been getting me his newest book each Christmas during this mad PhD project and it is my favorite thing to read each year). I think that reading definitely used to be an escape.
But my ability to concentrate is getting worse and worse as I get older too.
I spend most of my time either working or watching TV and I just think I need to do something a little more active – I want my brain to remember fun can exist in low-key ways. I want something that requires some focus to succeed at but that is still fun to do.
I’ve tried adult coloring, crocheting, yoga, and going on walks and none of them are cutting it for me.
The only things I’d probably identify as a hobby are playing Ticket to Ride and Wingspan with my best friend online and Gloomhaven with a few friends in London – and while I am a big fan of these activities, they aren’t fully in my control to do when I just need to turn off my brain.
So, my budget friendly friends, what suggestions do you have? Do you have hobbies? Do you also feel a little confused about how to answer when people ask about hobbies? Is this some normal reaction to our (arguably over)production-focused society these days?
Fellow SM here and I feel you so hard on the work till the contact is over and relax between gigs thing.
I started as a dancer/singer, and I used to take 2 time a week dance classes between shows but in my mid 50s that ain’t cutting it anymore.
I read a lot of mystery novels, watch TV, play Words with Friends, walk my dogs, take hot baths, and work out with a trainer once a week.
Not very new or exciting or cheap. I do like doing yoga with Yoga with Adrienne on You Tube.
I did love Yoga with Adrienne during the pandemic. My mat has probably been gathering dust for way too long. Thank you for the suggestions!
I would keep trying things and see what sticks! Although I would suggest puzzles IRL, not on the computer. Very soothing and satisfying to put a 1000+ piece puzzle together and you only have to concentrate in little chunks of time.
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ve never been much of a puzzle person just because I think I’m terrible at doing anything a little at a time, but maybe it would help rewire my brain to be better at that too.
Ooh! A thought on the seasonal depression…have you tried Saffron supplements? I’ve added them lately and they’ve really boosted my mood.
Oooh, no, I haven’t. I will look into them. I’ve recently been trying to look a little more into vitamins, which are worth it, which are maybe overhyped on the web. I struggled to remember to take a basic multi-vitamin, but it’s time to get better at that.
Apparently I have a lot of opinions on this.
I would start with 2 suggestions: (1) Think about what you liked to do as a child (or wished you could do), and (2) Do something in real life, not virtual. Maybe a 3rd suggestion: allow yourself to try something and let it go if it doesn’t suit you.
Many of the domestic arts are no longer necessary to do yourself, so they can be a hobby. Think knitting (my occasional jam), sewing, embroidery (tougher for the over 40 crowd with presbyopia), crochet, cooking, baking. Possibly you could list gardening here. Or even sending a (real, handwritten) letter.
Then there’s…art. Sketching, watercolors, painting with oils, pottery, jewelry making. Model-building (and painting). Making music yourself with your own IRL instrument. Alone or in company.
Also, sports (good for your health, as long as you aren’t injured). This might be time to try something new (or return to an old one).
You can make all of these hobbies as expensive as you like. Most of them can be done on the cheap(er) side. Time commitment may be your biggest hurdle as you near the end of your program and have to write your dissertation. Trying one or two that you can do while commuting may be helpful (unless you want to work on the train and just relax when you are home). And for heaven’s sake, do not feel any need to monetize your hobby!
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I am all for NOT monetizing my hobby. Thank you for the excellent suggestions! I have sort of had the idea of trying to sketch in the back of my head since writing this, especially since it’s getting to be a lovely time of year to sit in a park or somewhere nice. I took some art classes as an undergrad as part of my degree (stage management and design were always lumped together) and I’m terrible, lol, but I keep trying to remind myself I don’t have to be good at a hobby.
I completely relate to this struggle! It’s tough finding hobbies that genuinely decompress the mind. Maybe try something like puzzle-solving or even a creative writing class? Both can be engaging and low-cost. Good luck rediscovering fun!