For preventing the poor people in the United States from being a burden on their friends, family, neighbors or country, and for making them beneficial to the public.

In this great day and age, in accordance with the order of the Great American Dream, we see a prevalence of good citizens finding themselves vexed with an abundance of debt and a lack of funds with which they can pay it off.

This vexation leads the clever and stately American to a vast array of useful suggestions to aid their financial journey, and surely those who offer such useful tidings and methods of creating extra savings for those less fortunate members of our society, would deserve so well of the public, as to have their status set up for a preserver of the nation.

I shall now humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

On Utilities

Often the wise advice is toted to “cut the cord,” and yet we find additional expenses growing by the day – subscription services continue to multiple and in a mere fortnight you may find you are paying as much as you were previous through a combination of Netflix, Hulu, Prime, ESPN.com and more.

Simplicity is key here and you’ll find much contentment in building a fire and watching homemade shadow puppet movies. I believe no family would repine the cost of a few dollars in logs, though often this cost can be mitigated with some foraging for those of you in the suburbs and rural areas.

Phone bills are also astronomical in this day. While your fire can certainly double as a budget friendly method of sending smoke signals, you may find a better investment in a carrier pigeon. Much like texting, you merely write down your message, attach it to the dear fellow’s leg, and send him off to deliver it. Your reply will arrive before you know it.

On Clothing

When beginning a discussion on the expenditures for clothing, I’m reminded of the wise emperor who took the frugal route of just not wearing any. For those who protest that this is too severe a change, an acceptable alternative may be to stop wearing pants. This should easily reduce fifty percent off your clothing budget. You may feel a need to upgrade your underwear a little now that it’s more prominently displayed, but the odds are good that since they’ve been protected by your pants, skirts and other leg coverings for years, they’re probably in even better shape than you realized.

Should you find your clothing has holes, this is no longer an issue since even small building dwellers will have invested in a beast of their own. If you went with the lamb, you not only have dinner but also convenient wool which you can spin into thread to mend said clothing.

On Food

A large number of treatises have been composed urging the avid coffee drinker to alter their ways and create that particular nectar in one’s home for a fraction of the cost of purchasing it while out on the streets.

In reality, one should not bother with this coffee beverage at all, but stop ingesting liquids altogether. You may think you’re doing well with saving by cutting out the coffee shop lattes, but those coffee beans still cost a couple of cents a day. This will also have a positive benefit on your water bill.

Of course, the highest preference here is for sustainable eating habits and the best ways to cultivate these are by planting your own vegetables and farming your own meats. Depending on the space available to you, you may be able to purchase a whole menagerie and feast like a king on a serf’s salary, but for city dwellers and tiny home citizens, you may want to stick with a single beast, such as a lamb.

Arguably for the smaller of homes, a few chickens are your best bet. You’ll grow accustomed to the noise. And the smell.

Should all these suggestions fail, I have been assured by a very knowing Londoner of my acquaintance that a young health child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food.

With thanks to Dr. Jonathan Swift.